


Lose Some, Win Some

by fancyasscheeseballs (girlattherockshow)



Series: An Unlikely Love: Rafael & Anna [11]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, also lucia barba is a badass, foot in mouth disease, in which sonny carisi saves the damn day, rafael can't fucking win, sonny carisi has sisters, sonny is the ultimate party planner, you're gonna need a bigger boat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:00:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23525005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlattherockshow/pseuds/fancyasscheeseballs
Summary: Rafael hasn't told anyone at work that he asked Anna to marry him. He figures he'll get around to it when the time is right. But when it comes out without warning, he puts his foot in his mouth and ends up hurting the person he loves most. And even when she says she wants to put it in the past, he decides to do something to make it up to her--with a little help from his mother and our favorite cinnamon roll/cannoli.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Original Character(s), Rafael Barba/Original Female Character(s)
Series: An Unlikely Love: Rafael & Anna [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1597711
Kudos: 24





	1. Lose Some

**Author's Note:**

> So this was originally just supposed to be one installment, but as usual, I’m super wordy and got reeeeeally into it and it just… snowballed. I have no idea what happened. This chapter was also really hard for me to get through because coronavirus is shit and my mood has also been shit. So I apologize if this isn’t as good as other chapters have been. It’s a lot of angst, but I also threw in some attempts at humor via Carmen talking to the other staff on Slack (I have no idea what kind of messaging system the NY Supreme Court uses, so we’re gonna pretend it’s Slack, okay?).
> 
> Also, I know I seem to use Carisi and Sonny interchangeably, but Sonny is the “default” setting - unless one of the detectives is talking to him (because we all know they do not call him Sonny) or if we’re looking at something from Rafael’s perspective. Then it’s Carisi, because that’s just what he’s called professionally.
> 
> To my dear friend Leslye, my awesome beta reader and idea bouncer offer - I love you and I am so grateful for your friendship, encouragement, random midnight FaceTime chats, and hilarious commentary. I swear, if I end up fluent in Spanish, it’ll be because of you.
> 
> Song: My Stupid Mouth by John Mayer. Okay, look, I know he’s a piece of literal garbage, but this was before that, and also it fits.

“Morning, Carmen,” Rafael said as he strolled into the office on his second day back from suspension. His secretary of six years had been sick over the weekend and hadn’t been at work on Monday, so this was the first time he’d seen her in a month. She was crouched in front of the copy machine behind her desk, trying to find the source of what was sure to be the first of many paper jams of the day.

She didn’t even look up. “Good morning, Mr. Barba.”

“How are you feeling?” he called from his office.

“Well,” she sighed, “I was better until I tried to print your docket sheet. We really need to requisition a new copy machine. I’m pretty sure this one has been here since Jack McCoy was _born_.”

She pulled a lever and shifted a gear, finally locating the problem: somehow, a paperclip had become jammed in between the rollers. As soon as she removed it and slammed the door shut, the machine whirred back to life and spit out not just her print job but three others from God knows where. She put her stiletto pumps back on—no way was she trying to crouch down while wearing them and risk tipping over when she stood up—and took a stack of files from the top of the cabinet. There was a Starbucks cup sitting on her desk and she figured he must have forgotten it. So she grabbed that, along with a stack of files, and trotted off to his office.

He was already sitting at his desk with his jacket off and his sleeves rolled up when she came in. She was almost afraid to give him the files in her arms; he was already inundated with the ones in front of him. Then she noticed that there was already a Starbucks cup next to his laptop. She cleared her throat. “Um, Mr. Barba?”

He looked up. “Oh, thanks, Carmen. You can just leave those there”—he gestured to his credenza—“and I’ll take the docket report.”

She did as she was asked, and then stood silent for a second, wondering what to do with the coffee in her hand. Maybe Olivia was coming by and he had gotten her something. “Should I leave this on my desk?”

“Well, seeing as it’s yours—”

She was almost certain she’d misheard him. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Grande extra-hot latte with honey, right?” She nodded. “Good, I’m glad I got it right.”

She glanced between the cup and her boss and blinked a few times before she regained the ability to speak. “I—thank you?”

She headed back to her desk, glancing back at him just before she left the room. On the surface, Mr. Barba didn’t look any different than usual. She had expected that his suspension would have left him far more morose than he seemed, but it appeared that it might have done him some good. In fact, Carmen could swear she saw the faintest hint of a smile on his face.

She stepped back behind her desk and took a sip of her latte. It tasted odd, but maybe that was because in all six years she’d worked for him, Mr. Barba had never brought her coffee. Swiveling around in her chair, she woke up her computer and opened the Slack channel used by the legal assistants and clerks. It was supposed to be used strictly for business matters, but everyone knew that I.T. didn’t monitor anything unless they had reason to.

> **Maureen:** Hey, Carmen, do you still have the plague?
> 
> **Carmen:** Thanks for your concern, Mo. I’m fine. At least physically.
> 
> **Ted:** Got a mental problem then?
> 
> **Angelique:** Anyone who has to work for The Bear is bound to have some mental problems.
> 
> **Carmen:** I mean, you’re not wrong, but something weird is going on up here.
> 
> **Ted:** Is that Carisi guy in his office again?
> 
> **Carmen:** No, I’m serious. He brought coffee.
> 
> **Angelique:** I’ve never seen him without coffee.
> 
> **Carmen:** No. I mean he brought coffee for me.

For a minute, no one replied, and then:

> **Maureen:** It’s poisoned.
> 
> **Ted:** He’s going to fire you.
> 
> **Angelique:** He’s drugged.
> 
> **Carmen:** It’s just _weird_ , guys. I mean, his girlfriend brings me coffee when she comes to visit, but _he_ never has.
> 
> **Angelique:** Wait, he’s still dating her?
> 
> **Ted:** I’m surprised both of you haven’t dumped him yet.
> 
> **Carmen:** Yeah, he’s still with her. Maybe she’s been a good influence on him or something.
> 
> **Maureen:** Or maybe she’s a witch and she cast a spell on him.
> 
> **Ted:** That seems more likely.

Just then, Detectives Amanda Rollins and Sonny Carisi walked into the office, engaged in what seemed to be a heated conversation. It wasn’t unusual; everyone in the office was placing bets on when they would finally get together.

“Hey, Carmen,” Amanda said, her blonde hair threatening to fall out of its ponytail. “He in?”

Carmen gestured to the door. “Yep, and it seems like he might be in a good mood for some reason.”

“That’s good,” Sonny replied, “‘cause I’m pretty sure he’s going to hate the case we’re bringing him.”

“Tau Omega again,” Amanda added.

Carmen groaned. “Gross. Anyway, go on in.”

The detectives nodded an acknowledgement while Carmen went back to the pleading she was supposed to have been drafting this entire time.

“Counselor,” Amanda said as she and Sonny strolled into his office.

Rafael glanced up from the file he’d buried his face in. “Detectives. What fresh hell awaits me on my second day back?”

Amanda half-grinned. “Glad to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor,” she said. “We need a subpoena for Tau Omega’s ISP and warrants for two of their members’ electronics. Subpoenas for their cell phone records wouldn’t hurt either. It’s all in here.” She handed him a folder containing the application documents and sworn statements required to obtain the warrants.

“They really need to shut that entire frat down,” Sonny added. “They could use the building for something better.”

Rafael scoffed, looking through the documents. “Yeah, after they’ve fumigated and burned some sage.” Before either of them could reply, his cell buzzed on his desk. “Hang on,” he said.

When he looked at the screen, both Amanda and Sonny saw something rare and unexpected: a smile that made his eyes crinkle at the corners. It was almost as if he’d forgotten they were there until he put the phone back down, at which point, his stony demeanor returned. “Anyway, I can have the warrant for the ISP to the precinct later today, if that’s okay?”

 _Carmen wasn’t lying_ , Amanda thought. Barba never asked whether anything was “okay.” He would usually just grumble something about getting them what they asked for at a time he determined, and that would be that. Something was _definitely_ up.

“Yeah, that’s fine. Oh, hey, by the way,” she added nonchalantly, “how _was_ your, uh, time off?”

This time, Rafael tried to contain his smile. Suspension was supposed to have been terrible, but he had nothing but good memories of the last month. “It wasn’t bad,” he finally managed. “Uneventful.”

“Uneventful?” Sonny raised an eyebrow. “The Sarge said you were on vacation.”

Rafael inhaled sharply, but before Sonny could react, Amanda turned to him and gestured toward the door. “Come on, Carisi, we need to get back. And I need a coffee on the way.”

“But we just had—”

“I know, but Jesse kept me up all night.” She took him by the arm. “Besides, Barba’s probably got enough work to keep _him_ up all night, too.”

“Well, anyway,” Sonny said, “welcome back, Counselor. We missed you.”

Rafael nodded. “Thank you. Same.” Only after he said it did he realize what he’d said, and mentally kicked himself. “I mean—err—it’s good to be back to work.”

Amanda practically dragged Sonny out of the office, giving Carmen a quick goodbye along the way. Once they were in the hallway, he rubbed his upper arm. “Damn, you’ve got a hell of a grip,” he said. “What the hell was that about?”

“Something’s up. I’ve never seen Barba act that way.”

“What way?”

Amanda pulled her hair out of its ponytail and retied it. “He didn’t seem annoyed at all. Usually he’s at least low-grade irritable. And he _smiled_ at whatever that text was.”

“So?” Sonny said. “Maybe he just enjoyed vacation.”

“Yeah, but Barba’s taken vacations before. He’s never come back like that. If anything, he’s usually more annoyed after a trip because of all the work he comes back to.” She glanced over Sonny’s shoulder and crossed her arms. “This time, he comes back from a month of suspension, is buried in work, and is asking us if we’re ‘okay’ with getting the warrant this afternoon?”

Sonny thought this over for a minute. “Yeah, you’re right. But what do we care? If he’s in a good mood, why question it?”

Amanda smiled innocently. “Because,” she said, “I’m a detective. It’s in my nature. So let’s go get that coffee.”

He checked his watch. “You don’t think Liv will notice we’ve been gone that long?”

“I don’t think Liv needs to know how long we got stuck in traffic,” she replied. “Come on. I know a great diner. I think they might even have zeppole.”

He pursed his lips in faux annoyance at her needling him for his penchant for Italian sweets. “Fine,” he said, “but I’m driving.”

* * *

Anna had just clocked back in from her lunch break at the Galaxy Diner when Nancy, another waitress, came flouncing behind the coffee station in a whirlwind of cotton-candy-colored hair.

“Hey, Nance, you just getting on?”

Nancy completely blew by Anna’s question. “Girl! If you have a second, walk by table ten!” The excitement in her voice was palpable.

“Why? Is de Blasio in here eating pizza with a fork again?”

Nancy laughed and tied her hair into a ponytail. “Even better. There’s this dude with a _crazy_ Staten Island accent bitching to the blonde he’s with about dessert. It’s entertaining as hell, but I’m guessing he’s not gonna get a second date out of it…”

Anna’s head snapped up. “Is he really lanky with, like, eighteen bottles of gel in his hair?”

“Actually, yeah, why?”

“I know that hairdo, and I definitely know he’s not getting a date out of that blonde.” She grabbed the coffee carafe. “Be right back.”

Meanwhile, Sonny had flipped to the dessert page of the menu. “I thought you said they had zeppole!” he exclaimed.

“They have pie,” Amanda replied dryly.

“That’s not zeppole. I was promised zeppole.”

She glared at him. “Get the damn pie, Carisi. That’s not why we’re here anyway.”

“Yeah, we’re here because you’re nosy,” he replied. “What do you think we’re gonna find out, anyway? Whatever Barba’s hiding, I doubt Anna’s gonna tell us.”

“First off, I’m not nosy, I’m concerned,” she said. “And second, in case you’ve forgotten, Anna and I are friends.”

“So why don’t you just call her and ask her later?”

Before Amanda could answer, Anna appeared at their table, a smile concealing her suspicion. “Hey, guys. Do I even need to ask if you want coffee?”

Amanda smiled back. “Of course.”

Anna poured some in each of their ceramic mugs. “So, are you eating, or just stopping in for coffee?”

“Well, if you had zeppole—” Sonny began.

Amanda kicked him under the table. “We’ll take a couple slices of apple pie.”

Anna didn’t even bother to write down their order. “What are you guys doing down here anyway? Kind of far from the precinct.”

“We actually just came from Barba’s office,” Sonny said. “Needed a couple warrants.”

Anna smiled sympathetically. “I hope he didn’t give you too much attitude. His first few days back are probably going to be a bitch.”

“Actually,” Amanda said, “he was in a better mood than I’ve ever seen him.”

Anna’s eyebrow twitched slightly. “Really? Well, I didn’t see him this morning before he left. You know him, always at the office at some ungodly early hour. Anyway, let me see about that pie!” Before either Amanda or Sonny could say anything else, Anna had disappeared into the kitchen, in search of pie and excuses.

“Well, that was weird,” Sonny said.

“Yeah, I don’t know what’s weirder, Barba in a good mood or Anna acting like we just discovered some sort of spy mission,” Amanda replied.

Suddenly, Sonny’s phone buzzed. He checked the message and sighed. “Looks like I won’t be getting zeppole _or_ pie,” he said. “Liv wants us back.” And while Amanda left money for the coffee and pie that she and Sonny wouldn’t get to enjoy, from behind the server’s station, Anna was left only with confusion.

* * *

“Where are we on the warrants for Tau Omega?”

Olivia stood just outside of her office door, texting her nanny, Lucy, at the same time as she asked Sonny and Amanda for a status update. The two detectives had been gone for so long that morning that she thought they’d waited in Rafael’s office for the warrants, but by the time they’d made it back, she had left to pick up Noah from daycare since Lucy was sick. By the time Olivia made it back to the precinct after waiting for Lucy’s fill-in to arrive at her apartment, it was already half past four in the afternoon.

“Barba said he was going to bring them over to us this afternoon, but maybe he got backed up,” Amanda said. “It’s only his second day back.”

“Yeah, I know, Rollins, but the longer we wait, the more time those two have to destroy evidence,” Olivia replied. “I’ll call him and see where—”

“Sorry I’m late!” Rafael barreled into the squadroom, typing on his phone with one hand and carrying his briefcase in the other. “Took me a little longer to get these than I thought it would. Half the judges were out sick today. Whatever Carmen had is going around, I guess.”

“One of the perks of having been away for a month?” Olivia smirked.

Rafael opened his briefcase on Sonny’s desk and dug out the file folder containing the warrants. “As promised,” he said, handing them to Rollins, “you have warrants for the electronic devices. I sent out the subpoenas for the cell phone and ISP records. I’ll get the documents over to you as soon as I get them.” Sonny was about to say thank you when a familiar, heart-faced blonde walked into the precinct and headed right for them.

“Anna!” Olivia said, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

Rafael spun around to find his fiancée, still dressed in her work uniform. She kissed him on the cheek, and he turned pink. “I brought pie,” she said, holding up a carryout bag from the diner.

Amanda and Sonny glanced at each other. Olivia didn’t know they had stopped at the diner on their way back to the precinct. Amanda shot Anna a glance and shook her head just slightly, praying Anna would understand the hint. Anna gave her a barely-perceptible nod.

“You came all the way over here to bring pie?” Rafael asked.

“Well, what happened was, we had a couple diners come in and ask for two slices. But they left before I could serve them. And nobody had ordered any more by the time I left, so my boss gave me the whole thing,” she said. “I stopped at your office and was going to bring it to you, but they told me you were here, so I thought, ‘Even better! The entire squad can share.’” She pulled set a white cardboard box from the bag and placed it on Amanda’s desk. “It’s apple. I hope everyone likes that.”

“Nobody will ever turn down free food in this precinct,” Olivia said. Anna went to grab a plastic knife from the bag, and it was then that the light glinted off of the ring on her left hand. Before she knew what was happening, Amanda grabbed her wrist.

“Hold up,” she said, her mouth slightly agape. “Is that—”

Fin came back from the bathroom just in time to see Amanda’s grip on Anna’s arm. “Yo, Barba, you mean you finally put a ring on it?”

Anna blushed and bit her bottom lip. “I—um—well—yes. Yes, he did.” And then she couldn’t contain her smile anymore.

“Well, no wonder he’s been in such a good mood!” Amanda exclaimed, hugging Anna tightly. “Congratulations!”

Olivia, having known about this for weeks, stood back and watched the scene play out in front of her. Everyone was out of their seats, congratulating Anna and Rafael. Anna was happiness personified, like all the joy in the world was wrapped around her ring finger. She hugged Amanda and Sonny and smiled as Fin joked about “making an honest man” out of the prosecutor.

“Counselor,” Sonny said, “congratulations. Seriously, you deserve it.” He extended his hand, but Rafael just stared at it. The world was moving much too fast, and he was having a hard time keeping up. This wasn’t how he had expected to relay the news.

Olivia noticed that he was hanging back, smiling where he should, but not really engaging with everyone. “You okay? You seem...”

"Of course I’m happy,” he said, “but it’s not like it changes anything. It really isn’t a big deal.”

Of course, the minute he said that was the minute the room had quieted. Tension immediately permeated the air, and Anna whirled around to face him.

“Rafael?” Her voice was so low he could barely hear it. “What—what did you just say?”

His stomach immediately flipped over. “That’s not—I didn’t mean—”

For a second, he saw anger in her eyes, but just as quickly, it was gone. She checked her watch. “I—well, anyway, I have to go,” she said. “I have class tonight, and I need to get home and wash the grease out of my hair, literally.”

“Can I walk you out?” he asked. Maybe he could salvage this before heading back to the office.

“Okay,” she said, and then started out the door without him. He glanced around the room, waiting for…he didn’t really know what. Amanda raised her eyebrows at him and jerked her head toward the door, as if to say, _what are you waiting for, idiot_?

Anna was waiting for the elevator to arrive when he caught up to her. “Anna, you know I didn’t mean that.”

“I’m sure,” she said, her tone acerbic.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t want this to linger all day. Both of us have things to focus on, and this will just distract—”

She kept her gaze on the lights above the elevator, watching them switch from floor to floor. “If it distracts you, that’s on you. I’m going to go on with my day and we can talk about this _later_.”

“Are you telling me you won’t stew over this all afternoon?”

“Now’s _not_ the time, Rafael!” Her voice was so heightened with emotion that she nearly shouted the words. _Oh, fuck_ , he thought. _This isn’t good._

She stepped in and he followed behind her. The ride down seemed to take three times as long as it usually did, and it was silent the entire way. More silence followed as they walked out of the precinct, him taking two steps to every one of hers.

“Anna, come on,” he finally said, hoping that being in public would keep their emotions to a minimum. “I didn’t mean what it sounded like I meant.”

She whirled around and dragged him over to the side of the building, out of the way of other pedestrians. “Oh? Then what _did_ you mean?”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, which was already unkempt after the long afternoon he’d had. “I just meant—asking you to marry me wasn’t—I love you. And asking you to marry me was just a formality—” The second he said it, he wished he could gather the words up and stuff them back inside his head.

Anna’s heart sank and exploded at the same time. _Just a formality._ The words echoed in her head like waves in a seashell. His proposal on the terrace above the city she’d grown up in had meant so much to her. It was intimate and quiet, despite the onlookers, and had made her feel what the ring he’d given her meant: like she was the center of his life. And now she wondered if it had meant anything at all to him.

“I…” She tried to come up with something to say to him, but she couldn’t find the words.

He could see that she was holding back tears. “Anna, please—just _listen_ for a second,” he begged.

She realized that nothing good could come of an argument outside of a police station. Squeezing his hand lightly, she said, “I’ll see you at home, Rafael. I love you.”

But she didn’t kiss him goodbye. And all he could do was watch her walk away, whispering that he loved her too, even though she couldn’t hear it.

* * *

Anna didn’t go right home after class. The temperature had dropped to a reasonable degree, so she decided to go get a drink at Gallow Green, a rooftop bar in a garden-like setting near their apartment in Chelsea. Usually, if she was getting a drink alone, it was because she just wanted to sit and read a book with a glass of wine. This time, she ordered a whiskey highball and just sat alone with her thoughts and her phone, scrolling through vacation photos.

The night Rafael proposed—the last night of their trip—they had dinner with her parents, who, she found out, had already known what was coming. Champagne had been drunk, toasts made, and photos taken, including her favorite photo from the entire trip. It was a candid shot that her mother had captured on her phone, of Anna and Rafael sitting in the living room, shoulder-to-shoulder, FaceTiming with Rafael’s mother. Anna was holding up her hand to show Lucia the ring, and both she and Rafael were mid-laugh. It was a photo that perfectly summed up their engagement. Or, at least, she had thought it did. But after what Rafael had said both in the squad room and on the street, she wasn’t sure the feeling was mutual.

She couldn’t even really pinpoint why she was so upset with him. It wasn’t that she thought he regretted proposing, not at all. She knew he loved her. She knew he was happy with her. And she was happy with him. _Maybe I overreacted_ , she thought. Maybe he was just frazzled from being back at work, or maybe he’d been arguing with Liv when she’d walked in. Any number of things could have made him react that way. So she decided to finish her drink, head back to their apartment, and try to put the entire thing out of her mind.

Rafael had gotten home before Anna, which was unusual, but not unexpected. He assumed she had either stayed late at the library to study or gone out for a drink with friends in an attempt to let things cool down between them. One thing he’d learned about Anna in the course of their relationship was that when she was upset, she needed space to calm down and think things through in her own way. He could probably take a page from her book, to be honest; his tendency to run his mouth when he was upset was well-known in the courthouse.

After he’d de-lawyered himself, he poured himself a glass of wine and sat down on the couch to watch some Flip or Flop. But before he could so much as turn on the television, his phone blared at him. He didn’t even think to look at the caller ID before picking up. “Barba,” he said.

“Also Barba,” said a dry voice with a Bronx accent. “Just the smarter, better-looking one.”

He laughed a little. “Hi, Mom. What’s up?”

“Oh,” Lucia said, “I just wanted to know if you and Anna would like to come for dinner at my place on Sunday. I’d like to see that ring in person!”

Rafael drew in a sharp breath. “I’ll have to check with her.”

“What’s wrong, _mijo_?”

“Nothing you need to worry about, _Mami_. I’ll talk to—”

There were three people in the world who knew when he was holding something back: Anna, Olivia, and his mother. Olivia could only tell when she looked at him—apparently, he did a thing with his eyes—and Anna knew by his body language. But his mother could tell just by his voice.

“Rafael, don’t think _porque_ you’re a grown man that you can lie to me and get away with it,” she said. “Now, _que pasa_?”

He sighed. “I…screwed up a little today.”

“What happened?”

“Anna stopped by the precinct today while I was there to drop off some pie to the squad, and while she was there, Rollins noticed the ring.”

“And this is a problem because?”

He put his feet up on the couch and stretched out. “I just—I wasn’t expecting to tell everyone like that. And everyone was making a fuss, except Olivia, because she knew it was coming before I even talked to Anna’s parents.”

“ _Mijo_ , you do realize that when you ask someone to marry you, people are eventually going to find out, right?”

“I know that,” he replied, a bit testily. “It’s just—I wasn’t prepared, that’s all. And while I was talking to Olivia, I said—well, I didn’t mean it the way it came out, but I may have said something like it wasn’t a big deal.”

Lucia’s breath came out in a whoosh. “ _Dios mio_. Did she hear you?”

“Unfortunately, yes. And she got a little bit upset. I tried to talk to her, but I think I made it worse.”

“How could you have made it _worse_?”

He gritted his teeth, knowing what was ahead. “I said that asking her to marry me was just a formality.”

He heard her slap her hand to her forehead. “¡ _No lo creo_! What were you thinking!?”

“I know, _Mami_ , I know! You don’t have to tell me I screwed up.”

“Where is she now?”

“She went to class,” he said. “She should have been home by now, but I think she went out for a drink with her friends.”

On her end of the conversation, Lucia pinched the bridge of her nose. “And what are _you_ doing?”

He cleared his throat. “Um, well, when you called, I was about to watch—”

“Let me rephrase.” Her voice was rife with exasperation. “What I meant was, what are you going to do about this?”

“It’ll work out. It always does,” he sighed.

“ _Ay, mijo,_ things like this don’t just ‘work out.’ You need to _make_ them work out. Now,” she said, “maybe we can figure this out together.”

“What do you suggest?” he asked. “Whatever it is better be quick, because I have a feeling she isn’t going to be happy with me when she gets home.”

“Oh, she’s not going to be happy with you for a few days.” She said it as though this should have been the most obvious thing in the world. “Now, give me a second to think.”

“Okay. Well, while you think, I’m going to start dinner. Maybe that’ll help—”

He was about to get off the couch, when his mother gasped. “I have an idea, but it’s going to take a couple weeks to accomplish.”

Rafael was cautiously optimistic. “What’re you thinking?”

“Well,” Lucia began, “is there anyone you know who’s had experience party planning?”

* * *

Burnt toast.

That was what Anna smelled the second she walked into the apartment. There was also a faint haze in the air that seemed to be coming from the kitchen. She dropped her backpack onto the floor—noticing Rafael’s briefcase next to it—and headed straight for the source of the smoke.

Rafael had just finished plating the sushi and was pouring soy sauce into two small dipping bowls when she came through the doorway. “Hey,” he said, glancing up at her with a small, crooked smile. “You hungry?”

“Um, depends. We’re eating that sushi and not whatever it is that caused”—she looked around at the haze—“this, right?”

He was pleased to know that she seemed to be at least a somewhat more congenial mood than he’d left her in. “I mean, unless you’re really craving burned grilled cheese and tomato soup.”

She opened a window in the dining area, trying to air out the apartment. “You tried to make grilled cheese and tomato soup?”

“The key word there is ‘tried,’” he said. “I know it’s one of the things you like most when you’re feeling—I mean, I guess I just wanted to try to—well, anyway, when that didn’t work, I ordered the other thing I know you like.” He pushed a plate in front of her and set one of the dipping cups next to it. “I got spicy tuna, shrimp tempura, and spicy scallops. Oh, and salmon sashimi. And there’s edamame, too.”

“Wow,” she replied, looking over everything. “I’m…Raf, you didn’t have to go through all this.”

“I knew you’d say that,” he said, “but I wanted to apologize for earlier today.”

She shook her head and sat down at the counter. “It’s fine, Raf. Really.”

He sat down next to her and took her hand in his, hoping she would look at him without prompting. Thankfully, she did. “Are you sure, Anna? Because I know what I said hurt you, and—”

“It’s really okay,” she replied. “I’m fine. We’re fine.”

He squinted at her, trying to look past her expression for any unexpressed emotion. “Are you _sure_? Because I know what I said was—”

“Please,” she said, a hint of exhaustion in her voice, “can we just forget about it? It’s not worth dwelling on.”

“Okay,” he said hesitantly. “Well, then I’ll ask again. Are you hungry?”

She looked at the food on the counter, then at the tired-eyed man sitting next to her. Then, she picked up her chopsticks and gave him her best approximation of a smile. “Famished,” she said, and that, at least, wasn’t a lie.

A few hours later, Anna was in bed with a book when Rafael joined her. It was early for him; usually by the time he came to bed, she was already asleep. He pulled his reading glasses out of their case and perched them on his nose, then leaned into her shoulder. “What’re you reading?”

She didn’t look up. “I assume you’ve heard of Robert Ressler?”

“Yeah, of course. Guy who coined the term ‘serial killer.’”

“I’m reading ‘Whoever Fights Monsters.’”

He furrowed his brow and glanced at the text, finding a particularly gruesome passage about the murders committed by Richard Chase, otherwise known as “The Vampire Killer.” It was enough to churn his stomach, even after dealing with the cases he saw all day.

He kissed the top of her shoulder and pulled back. “Why in the world do you find that fascinating?”

“Why do you feel the need to criticize me?”

There was a definite edge to her voice, one that he wasn’t used to hearing. “Anna, I was kidding,” he said.

She didn’t reply for a minute, but when she felt his eyes still on her, she set the book down and looked at him. “I’m sorry. I think I’m just tired. Let’s go to sleep. I love you.” She gave him a peck on the lips and laid down, facing away from him so that she didn’t have to face the truth.

* * *

> **Maureen:** Morning, guys. How’re things on your end of the building?
> 
> **Ted:** All clear up here. Ang? Carmen?
> 
> **Angelique:** McCoy isn’t in yet, but I already know he’s going to be in a bad mood. He has to meet with City Hall today.
> 
> **Maureen:** Speaking of moods, Carmen, you’re too quiet. Did The Bear eat you?
> 
> **Carmen:** Sorry, was in the bathroom. He was in his office when I got here. He’s not in a bad mood, but it’s _another_ weird day.
> 
> **Angelique:** More coffee?
> 
> **Carmen:** No, it’s even weirder. I’ve seen him mad, I’ve seen him stressed, I’ve seen him worried, but today’s mood is like, gloomy.
> 
> **Ted:** The Bear has temporarily been replaced by Eeyore?
> 
> **Carmen:** That’s one way of putting it.
> 
> **Maureen:** We better hope I.T. never looks at these messages…
> 
> **Ted:** I.T. probably feels the way we all do about him.
> 
> **Carmen:** GTG. His favorite detective is here.
> 
> **Angelique:** That’ll certainly help the mood…

* * *

“Hey, Carmen. He in?”

“Sure is. You here alone today?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “Rollins had to take Jesse to the doctor for her vaccinations, so I’m stuck asking Barba for another warrant.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Another one? Did you just get two yesterday?”

“Yeah,” he said, shifting from side to side on his long legs. “But our vic just told us that there’s a third guy who—nevermind. Safe to go in?”

She glanced at the phone lights. “Doesn’t look like he’s on a call.”

He smirked. “That doesn’t mean it’s safe to go in.”

As he started to head into her boss’s office, Carmen called him back. “Hey, Detective—”

“How many times am I gonna have to ask you to call me Sonny before you listen to me?” he replied. “What’s up?”

“Okay, um, Sonny. Just—he seems a little off, that’s all.”

Sonny raised an eyebrow. “Off? Off how?”

Carmen shrugged. “Kind of out of it. He came back like that from the precinct yesterday, and it’s not as bad today, but he’s still—”

“Oh,” Sonny said, “it must be that thing that happened with Anna yesterday.” As soon as he said it, he regretted it. The last thing he needed was for Barba to hear him relaying the details of the mini-fight he and the rest of SVU had witnessed the day before.

Thankfully, Carmen either didn’t hear him or pretended not to. “At any rate,” she said, “just be forewarned that he’s not his usual self. Good luck.”

* * *

> **Carmen:** Sorry, guys. He’s gone.
> 
> **Angelique:** Barba kick him out?
> 
> **Carmen:** No, I mean, he went in to see him.
> 
> **Ted:** Go listen at the door!
> 
> **Carmen:** Are you insane?
> 
> **Ted:** Oh, come on. You’ll be able to tell when they’re done. But if The Bear has turned into a sad donkey, aren’t you a little curious about why?
> 
> **Carmen:** Well, I did hear something about a fight with his girlfriend.
> 
> **Maureen:** Um, what are you waiting for?

* * *

The familiar Staten Island accent preceded the tall, slender detective attached to it. “Morning, Barba.”

Rafael looked up from his laptop, thankful that Carisi had come alone. There was no way he could have this conversation if anyone else was in the room with them. It was embarrassing enough to have to ask at all, but he didn’t know who else he could go to. He plastered an approximation of a smile on his face. “Detective. What can I do for you?”

Sonny was surprised at the smile, given the fight Rafael and Anna had the day before and what Carmen had just told him. “Um, well, I hate to do this to you, but I need another warrant.”

“Didn’t find what you were looking for on the laptops?”

“Not exactly,” Sonny said. “Don’t shoot the messenger, but our vic just told us there was a third guy involved. His DNA wasn’t on the rape kit, but according to her, he just held her arms behind her back.”

Rafael rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “And she’s just telling us this now? Didn’t you guys vet her?”

“Didn’t I say not to shoot the messenger? Of course we vetted her,” Sonny replied. “But you know how this goes.”

Biting back a sarcastic remark about Carisi’s investigative skills, Rafael nodded. “Okay, so you just need the same warrant for this new suspect’s computer?”

“And subpoenas for the cell phone records.”

“Done,” Rafael said. He stood up from his desk and walked around to lean against its edge. “Now I need something from _you_.”

Sonny leaned in the doorway and crossed his arms. “What’s up?”

“Can you shut the door?” As Sonny closed it, Rafael realized he had positively no idea how to ask this favor. He grasped the edge of the desk behind him and lolled his head back, trying to come up with words that wouldn’t taste too bitter. “I’m sure you gathered that Anna and I had a little bit of a disagreement yesterday,” he finally said.

“A disagreement?” Sonny’s eyebrows jumped up an inch. “I’d say it was more of an argument.”

“How would you know that? All you guys heard was—”

Sonny pursed his lips. “We could hear you by the elevator.”

“All right. We had a fight,” Rafael said through gritted teeth.

“Yeah, well, all due respect, considering what you said—”

“I know!” Rafael exclaimed. “I know, I know. I know what I said, and I know why she was mad.”

“Was?”

“Well, she said last night that she isn’t anymore. But I’m getting the feeling something’s going on.”

Sonny smirked. “Oh, ya think? Women don’t just get over this stuff, Barba. Trust me, I know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Rafael said. “You have sisters.”

Ignoring the sarcasm, Sonny replied, “You said you needed something from me?”

“Yeah…” Rafael’s shoulders tensed, and he realized he had no choice other than to just get it out. “Anyway, I know you’ve got a busy life with work and—well, whatever it is you do when you’re not working—but I think I need to do something to make this up. And I was talking to my mother, and she suggested throwing a surprise engagement party, but I’m only just getting back to work and have a _pile_ of cases here, and—”

“I’d love to help.”

Rafael had never appreciated Sonny Carisi more than he did then, simply for sparing him the mortification of having to ask for help planning an engagement party. “Really?” But then, the grin that Sonny had been suppressing finally spread across his face. “Oh, God, I should have known you’d _enjoy_ this.”

“I’m sorry!” Sonny laughed. “It’s just that this is something I never expected you’d ask me to do.”

“Believe me,” Rafael sighed, “this is something I never expected to ask you to do, either. Just…try not to enjoy it too much, okay?”

“Don’t worry. I got you,” Sonny replied, clapping Rafael on the shoulder. “You got a date in mind?”

“How quick can you get it done?”

Sonny cocked an eyebrow. “You want it done quick or you want it done right?”

“Fine. Is next Saturday too soon?”

A second later, Sonny was checking his calendar. “I think I can make that happen. Can you get me a list of people you want to invite?”

“It’ll be short,” Rafael replied. “Most of Anna’s family is in California, and her friends, too. Other than a few people from her law school—”

Sonny held up a hand. “I have an idea, but you’re gonna have to work with me here. You game?”

“I’m game,” Rafael replied, before sitting back down behind his desk. “Thanks, Carisi.”

Sonny nodded and turned to leave, but curiosity got the better of him. “Barba, I gotta ask—why’d you say it?”

“What?”

“What you said about it not being a big deal. I mean, not for nothing, but if I were you, I’d be shouting it from the top of the courthouse!”

Rafael looked up from his laptop again and closed his eyes, as if he were searching for an answer behind them. “I—I guess I just felt like it was a private—and it’s not like it wasn’t already—” He shut the laptop again and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “Boy, it sounds really stupid when you try to say it out loud, doesn’t it?”

Never one to mince words, Sonny said, “Yeah, it does. She’s excited to marry you, Barba. Aren’t you excited to marry her?”

“Of course I am,” Rafael replied. “I’ve been excited to ask her for months.”

Sonny knew he was taking his life in his hands, but he wanted to help. “So it’s fair to say you’ve been engaged in your mind for a long time?”

Rafael opened a file on his lap and started to page through it. “Yeah. That’s why I said it was no big deal. It was always going to happen.”

“You ever stop to think maybe she didn’t know that?”

Before Rafael could respond, the detective was already gone. So instead, he reopened his laptop and opened a new email. _Hi Mom,_ he typed. _I have some good news and some bad news…_

Meanwhile, Sonny closed Rafael’s office door behind him and stood in front of Carmen’s desk. She had resisted the urge to listen at the door, despite her coworkers’ urging. She didn’t seem to notice him, so he cleared his throat. That made her look up.

“How’d it go?” she asked.

“Oh, it was fine.”

He stood there for a moment, looking slightly awkward. She cocked her head slightly. “You need something?”

“You really didn’t know what he was upset about?”

She shook her head. “He doesn’t tell me anything other than what to put on the subpoena requests. Did he tell _you_?”

“Well…actually…” He looked back over his shoulder, making sure the door was still closed. “Carmen, you got plans next Saturday?”

Again, she shook her head. “No. My boyfriend’s out of town on business all next week, and I was just planning to take advantage of having the place to myself.” Her eyebrows drew together. “Why do you ask?”

He leaned over the desk and lowered his voice conspiratorially. “What I’m about to tell you is privileged, so of course I expect you to tell everyone in the courthouse,” he murmured. “But I’m planning this party…”

* * *

> **Carmen:** OH. MY. GOD.
> 
> **Maureen:** Did his girlfriend dump him?
> 
> **Ted:** Did he dump _her_?
> 
> **Angelique:** I’m still not convinced there _is_ a girlfriend.
> 
> **Carmen:** There isn’t.
> 
> **Angelique:** I KNEW IT!
> 
> **Carmen:** No. I mean, she exists. But she’s not his girlfriend.
> 
> **Ted:** It’s too early in the morning for mind games, Carmen. Spill it.
> 
> **Carmen:** She’s not his girlfriend. She’s his fiancée!!!


	2. Win Some

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being slightly longer than I thought it would be, but I guess that's just gonna be how this story goes. I hope you guys enjoy the conclusion to this installment; I love writing angst and I love writing fluff, and you get a bit of both here. Fair warning, it's SUUUUUPER fluffy. Like, you might as well get a dentist appointment afterward cause there's a whole ton of sugary sweetness.
> 
> Song: Making Memories of Us by Keith Urban

Not even half an hour later, word had spread through the courthouse, and the congratulatory emails and calls poured in. Rafael had said it before but had never really understood how true it was: his office leaked like a church roof. Initially, he found himself overwhelmed, but Carmen helped field the phone calls so he could send quick thank-you emails as well as exchange messages with his mother and Carisi about the party arrangements.

He wasn’t used to all the focus on his personal life, but he did his best to be gracious and appreciative, both at the office and at home. Anna was clearly doing her best to act like everything was normal, and he appreciated that, but he could tell she was still wounded by his attitude. He couldn’t blame her. After talking to Carisi, he realized he’d taken her excitement and doused it with what appeared to her to be indifference. It was taking everything in him not to tell her about the surprise in store for her, but he didn’t want to spoil anything more than he already had.

For her part, Anna had mostly put their fight behind her. Although she still felt a bit disconcerted by his words the previous Tuesday, she knew that sometimes Rafael’s brain couldn’t keep up with his mouth. She also didn’t see a point to prolonging the argument when she knew he hadn’t meant to hurt her. Jewish guilt may have been a running joke in the world, but Anna didn’t believe in inflicting guilt on people when they hadn’t intended harm. So she resolved to try and put it out of her mind.

She and Rafael had been like ships passing in the night for most of the week and into the weekend. He had been frontloaded with cases upon his return, so he’d left work before she had woken up every morning and stayed late into the evening. Rather than sit in the apartment alone, she spent a good deal of time at the law library. Summer semester was almost worse than fall or spring because the material was crammed into just two months. Plus, she was taking two classes that were most assuredly _not_ in her wheelhouse—something she had realized too late to drop one of them in favor of something else.

There was a thunderstorm on Sunday, and she didn’t feel like leaving the apartment to head uptown. Instead, she took her corporations book and curled up on the couch in black leggings and one of Rafael’s white, V-neck undershirts. When she kept dozing off, she moved to the dining room table. She’d interrupted him to ask if he wanted lunch (yes, he’d said, and she made him a peanut butter and banana sandwich) and he’d wandered out to refill his coffee a couple of times (and made her a cup of tea while he was at it). That was the extent of their interactions for the better part of the day.

By the time six o’clock rolled around, she still hadn’t learned anything about shareholder voting rights and her neck ached from the tension _caused_ by trying to learn about shareholder voting rights. She sighed and tossed the book onto the table, deciding that she’d live to fight another day, and opened Facebook. Before she could browse through the updates, though, she noticed one of the ads on the side of the screen: wedding gowns. She hadn’t even updated her relationship status, and somehow, Facebook knew before half of her friends and family. She briefly entertained a spiteful thought about how the internet seemed more excited than her fiancé, and that made her feel even worse than she already did.

And that’s when she realized what was really bothering her. He had apologized and had acknowledged that she had a right to be upset with him, but she felt ridiculous for being so angry about it in the first place. And between feeling stupid about that and feeling stupid because of her classes, she’d finally hit her limit. She shut her laptop, put her head in her hands, and started to cry.

* * *

Rafael hadn’t lied when he told Anna that he had a ton of work to get through. He also hadn’t lied when he said he needed to go in early and stay late every night that week. He just conveniently omitted things; he got through his legal work in the early morning and throughout the day, but his evenings had been spent helping to plan the engagement party. His role was mostly to provide input into what Anna would appreciate; his mom and Carisi took over logistics, coordinating mostly via email. And although he hadn’t thought it possible, before he knew it, things had begun to come together. He opened up the latest email, its subject line reading “Final Numbers.”

 _Hola,_ his mother had written. _I called and confirmed with the NoMad—they want a final headcount by Friday. Can we get that done? On a related note, Rafi—_ he groaned at the use of his childhood nickname, which he was sure Carisi would now use as often as he could— _are Anna’s friends you met in CA going to be joining? I know it’s short notice, but you should probably ask them if you haven’t already._

Rafael had already thought of that, but he had no way to get Michelle and Kim’s phone numbers or email addresses without asking Anna, and that would just lead to questions for which he had no answers. He supposed he could try to sneak a look at her phone when she wasn’t around, but…

That was when it dawned on him. He could tell her he needed to borrow her phone because his was dead and he needed to call Olivia about something. Then he could just get the numbers from the contact list. Smiling, he pushed back from his desk and strolled out of his office, feeling very proud of himself for his stroke of genius.

“Hey, Anna? My phone is dead, and I need to make a call. Can I borrow—”

He stopped. She was still sitting at the dining room table where he’d last seen her, but now she was hugging her knees to her chest, her forehead resting on them. It was as if she was in the fetal position, but upright.

And he didn’t have to see her tears to feel her pain.

“Anna? What’s wrong?” he asked.

She didn’t look up. “Nothing. I’ll be fine.”

He pulled a chair out and turned it toward her. “You’re not fine _now_ , and that’s what concerns me. So I’ll ask again. What’s wrong?”

He sat down and kept his eyes on her until she finally looked up at him. She’d cried so much that he could barely see the blue for the red in her eyes. “I hate the law,” she said. “I hate feeling stupid, and I feel _so_ stupid.”

He suppressed a smile. This was bound to happen sooner or later—the inevitable law school breakdown. This, he could handle.

“Oh, _mi amor_ , come here.” He held out his hand, but she didn’t take it.

“I sit there and listen to people talk and wonder when I’m going to catch up. Everyone else seems like they’re on the same page, and I’m just sitting here struggling to keep up.” She stared straight ahead of her, focusing on the imperfections in the wooden tabletop. “And it’s like…somehow, I just feel like life keeps reminding me that I shouldn’t get too excited about things. Because I was excited for this. And now I just feel left behind.”

He squinted at her. A few errant tears fell down her flushed cheeks. She seemed very far away. “What can I do?” he asked. “Do you want advice or do you just want me to—”

She played with a section of hair that had escaped her ponytail. “I don’t need you to do anything. Sometimes…” She looked at him with glassy eyes. “I guess sometimes, you just don’t get what you expect.”

He glanced at the book on the table. “Just ask Bernie Madoff’s clients.”

One side of his mouth turned into a sweet half-smile intended to draw one out of her. He was so cute when he did that. She started to return the gesture, to make him think he’d done his job, but then she realized that denying her feelings wouldn’t make them go away. She needed to be honest with him. After all, hadn’t she always asked him to be honest with her?

“Raf…do you remember earlier this week when I said that we were fine and that I wasn’t upset anymore?” He nodded, and she sniffled. “Well, the truth is, I _was_ still upset when I got home that night.”

He tilted his head. “You think I didn’t know that?”

Her eyebrows knitted together. “What?”

“I may be robot-like a lot of the time,” he said, “but even I’m not that dense.”

She was looking at him like he’d just told her he was giving up coffee. “How could you tell?”

He shrugged. “We’ve been together a year and a half, Anna. You know me, and I know you. And I know that the reason you said you were okay was because you wanted to be. But it really is okay that you weren’t. What I said was thoughtless. That’s why I apologized—because you had a right to be upset.”

“But that’s exactly it!” She started to cry again and wiped at the tears. “You apologized, and I knew you didn’t mean to hurt me. I felt stupid for being upset, and that made me even _more_ upset. And then after you apologized, I felt guilty for still having those feelings. And _then_ I started to have trouble with these classes, which just made me feel even more stupid. And then I guess I just—”

“Spiraled?” he suggested, and she nodded. “Believe me, I know what you mean. I’ve spent nearly forty years perfecting the art of living in your own head. And you know what I learned?”

“What?”

He reached behind him and grabbed a box of tissues from the kitchen island. “I learned that it’s no way to live. Especially,” he added, handing her the box, “when it means you push away the person you love the most.”

If someone had told Anna a year and a half earlier that Rafael would be the one telling her not to run away from her feelings, she would have thought it was the funniest joke she’d ever heard. But he was right. She’d managed to fall into a pit of self-inflicted pain and had slapped away the hand that had tried to pull her out of it.

“I’m sorry, Raf,” she said. “I shouldn’t have lied to you. Like I said…I hate feeling stupid.”

“You’re _not_ stupid, Anna. You’re human. From what I gather, humans aren’t perfect. Unlike us robots.” He winked at her and she finally laughed. “And as for school, maybe I can help. What’s your other class besides corporations?”

“Bankruptcy. It sucks even more than property.”

He winced. “Well, I can’t really offer much in the way of practical help. But,” he continued, “I can offer dinner and back rubs.”

“That’s almost as good, and definitely just as appreciated.” She wiped at her eyes again and stretched her neck. “I’m going to finish the case I was looking at and then shower.”

He squeezed her hand again and stood up. “Pizza?”

“Whatever you want,” she replied.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started to dial. “I’ll take care of it.”

She undid her ponytail and picked up her book before looking up at him. Her eyes were gradually returning to their normal color. “Thank you,” she said, a slight quiver still in her voice. “I _do_ feel better now. For real this time.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said, and for the first time since Tuesday, she didn’t feel a pang of guilt when he left the room.

As he walked back to his office, it dawned on him that he’d completely forgotten about his plan to get Michelle and Kim’s phone numbers. He couldn’t go back out there and ask to borrow her phone now, since she’d already seen him use his. _First things first,_ he thought, and ordered a large Hawaiian pizza (one of their shared vices) and garlic knots to be delivered an hour later. That would give her time to shower, and him time to come up with a new plan.

Dinner taken care of, he reopened Outlook. No new emails since he’d last checked. He opened his mother’s last message and hit reply, feeling very discouraged. _I want to invite them_ , he wrote _, but I haven’t been able to get their contact information_.

A few minutes later, his computer pinged, the sound of a new email. It was Carisi.

_Using my excellent detective skills, I ran a Google search for the names you put on the guest list. Took me a couple seconds but I found their Facebooks. Sent them messages already. If they can’t come in, we could FaceTime them into the party. You’re welcome…Rafi. –Sonny_

Rafael rubbed his face. Why hadn’t he thought of that, and why did Carisi have to be so damn smug about it? _Just because you’ve embraced your embarrassing childhood nickname doesn’t mean you can use mine_ , he replied.

Not a minute later, his mother responded. _Rafael Eduardo Barba, you be nice to him. He’s helping you out of el desastre you got yourself into! And mejor espero that she forgives you, porque I’ve waited too long for grandchildren!_

The only thing worse than Carisi and his mother ganging up on him through email, Rafael decided, would be Carisi and his mother ganging up on him in person.

* * *

By Friday afternoon, Rafael was a wreck. Between finishing his caseload for the week (so that he wouldn’t have to come into the office the next day) and trying to corral party guests, he wondered how he would be able to plan an entire wedding. It was already five o’clock and he still had at least four hours of work ahead of him—and that was assuming no one else came into his office asking for anything. And then, as if on cue, Sonny came barreling into the room.

“Okay, I just got a final confirmation from the NoMad. We’re all set for the rooftop at seven tomorrow. Final headcount’s nine—last chance to add anyone.”

“Hello to you, too,” Rafael replied, not looking up from his laptop. “Who do we have?”

“Me, you, Anna, your mom, Olivia, Fin, Rollins, Carmen, Nancy…”

Rafael glanced up, brow furrowed. “Wait, are you bringing someone?”

“No,” Sonny said, confused. “Why?”

“Who’s Nancy?”

“Coworker of Anna’s.”

“Nancy…” Rafael said absently as he scrolled through the Facebook in his head. He’d only visited Anna at her job a handful of times, and there was a pretty high turnover, but then it hit him. “Oh, right. Purple hair?”

Sonny sat down on the couch across the room and draped an arm over the back. “It’s actually lilac, but yeah.”

“I’m not sure if I should be impressed or concerned that you’re that specific about hair color,” Rafael said. “How'd you come up with her?"

"I went back to the diner the other day for some coffee. Nancy was my waitress and she mentioned she'd seen me there the other day with Rollins. We got to talking, and she seemed to really like Anna, so, I invited her."

Rafael raised an eyebrow, surprised at Carisi's initiative. "I can’t think of anyone else to add. I assume this means Michelle and Kim aren’t making it?”

Sonny started typing furiously on his phone. “Unfortunately, no.”

“I can’t say I’m shocked,” Rafael said. “I would have liked to surprise Anna, though.”

“Don’t worry,” Sonny said, still typing. “They’re going to FaceTime in. I’ll bring my tablet. They’ll be ready around seven. Gives everyone enough time to get there. What time are you coming?”

“I’m hoping we can be there by seven-thirty.”

“Did you figure out a way to make sure she’s dressed for the occasion?” Sonny asked. “Because Lucia offered to—”

Hearing Carisi refer to his mother as “Lucia” was one of the weirdest things Rafael had heard in years. “I’ve got it taken care of. Anna’s been crazy stressed this week because of school, so I made her an appointment to get a massage and her hair done. Told her we were going out to dinner for our weekly date night and that I wanted her to relax.”

Sonny looked almost impressed. “Smooth _and_ not technically a lie. Well done, Counselor.” He stood up and stretched. “Okay, we should be good to go, then. If you need anything else before tomorrow night, just text me.”

“Sure.” Rafael gave Sonny a curt nod, and then ducked his head back behind his laptop screen. Sonny hesitated, expecting Rafael to say thank you—or at least goodbye—but the A.D.A. was already back into tunnel-vision-lawyer mode. So he left the office, intent on heading home for the evening, when Carmen called his name from her place at the copy machine.

“Sonny!”

He turned on his heel, embarrassed to have forgotten to say goodnight. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude—”

Her amber eyes betrayed a hint of amusement. She went over to her desk and pulled an envelope out of one of the drawers. “This is for you.”

He raised an eyebrow. “From who?”

She glanced at Rafael’s office. “He handed this to me today and asked me to give it to you next time I saw you.”

He held it like it was going to explode. “What is it?”

She shrugged. “All he ever tells me is what to put on the subpoenas. Anyway, I have to go down to the clerk’s office. I’ll see you tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said in a faraway voice. Once she had left, he looked back up at Rafael’s closed office door. When he opened the envelope and looked inside, he very nearly keeled over. In his hand were two tickets behind the first base line at Citi Field for the Mets-Nationals game in two weeks. He was so flabbergasted that he almost forgot to read the note that was with the tickets, scrawled in Rafael’s familiar, slanted chicken scratch.

> _Sonny - Just wanted to say thanks for saving my ass. I know I don’t seem like the sentimental type, but I appreciate what you’ve done. -Rafael_
> 
> _P.S. Don’t spread that around. I have a reputation to protect. The secretaries don’t “secretly” call me The Bear for no reason._

That was when Sonny learned what very few people in the world knew—that Rafael might not have been great at expressing his feelings, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have the words.

* * *

Rafael had been waiting in their living room for an hour after Anna had arrived home from her massage and hair appointments. She had gone directly into the bathroom to finish getting ready for the evening. He'd told her that they were having dinner at the NoMad, which, as Sonny had pointed out, wasn’t technically a lie; he just neglected to tell her about all the _other_ people having dinner with them.

He was absently flipping through her bankruptcy law book, which she had left on the coffee table, and checked his watch. “Anna, _mi amor,_ ” he called over his shoulder, “we need to get going soon. Are you almost ready?”

“Coming!”

He heard a door open and a pair of high heels click-clacking on the hardwood toward him. He stood up and whipped out his phone to send a quick text to let his mother and Carisi know that he and Anna were on their way. His gaze was still downward when he caught a glimpse of white, strappy kitten heeled sandals, and when he looked up, he nearly dropped the phone.

She was breathtaking. As in, she literally took his breath from his body. The cap-sleeved mini-dress hugged every curve of her petite frame; the sky-blue floral lace that covered the knit fabric made her already-bright eyes even more vibrant. He instinctively took her hand, twirling her slowly under his arm so he could see every part of her. That was when he saw that there was nothing in the space between her lower back and the clasp that secured the dress around her neck.

His eyes darted from the faint pink of her cheeks to the flutter of her eyelashes to the shimmer on her lips. But he was happy to see that she’d let the freckles that dotted her nose show through the makeup. It reminded him that even when she was this dressed up, she was still comfortable in her own skin.

“You are…” He pushed back a wisp of her hair that had been left to frame her face, the rest of it woven into a French twist. “You’re spectacular,” he finally said.

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” she replied. He had worn her favorite suit—dark grey, single breasted, with a vest underneath. She adjusted his navy blue, white-polka-dotted tie, jealous of his ability to mix patterns; she would never have thought to pair it with a white shirt with blue pinstripes. He had even let his silky black hair do the flippy thing in the front rather than gel it into place. It was almost like he’d gotten ready for _her_ rather than for their date. She turned and picked her handbag up off of the back of the couch. “What time’s the reservation?”

He placed a hand on the bare skin of her back. “Seven-thirty,” he said, gently leading her toward the door. “I’ll call the car.”

She wrapped a white chiffon shawl around her shoulders and stepped aside so he could open the door. As they walked down the hallway toward the elevator, she realized something was off. It wasn’t until they got into the elevator that she realized what it was.

“Your cologne. You changed it.”

He looked at his shoes. “I did.”

She leaned closer into him and inhaled deeply. “I like it,” she said. “What is it?”

“Prada. ‘Luna Rossa.’” He glanced up at her. “Figured it was time for a change. What’s that thing they say about weddings? Something old, something new…”

She wrapped an arm around his as the elevator reached the lobby. “I think that’s for brides, honey.”

Just before he opened the door to the building, he pulled her back and caught her around the waist. Looking her up and down, he smiled broadly. “Well,” he said, just before he kissed her, “I’ve already got the something blue.”

* * *

“Sonny, did you see Rafael’s text?” Lucia called out from across the room. She had just been talking to Olivia about her son’s first years as a lawyer when her phone buzzed with his warning text.

“Yeah,” Sonny replied as he made his way over to them. “I got it. They should be here about ten minutes from now.” He lifted his head slightly and turned in a circle. “Everybody might wanna get your drinks and come over to the table,” he shouted. “They’re on their way!”

It had taken some major wrangling, but the party was coming together perfectly. Between him, Lucia, and Rafael, they had managed to put together an intimate but festive event in just under two weeks. On top of that, they had done it largely through virtual communication; in fact, Sonny had only met Lucia that evening. He immediately liked her—he could tell where Rafael got his stubborn streak and his wit.

For Lucia, the feeling was mutual. Rafael had only mentioned Sonny in passing, and usually with a complaint, but she thought the long-limbed, sapphire-eyed detective was sweet and personable. She also realized how much he must have cared for her son to do this, and that alone was enough to make her like him.

As the guests gathered around the table with their refilled drinks, Sonny cleared his throat. “All right. Dinner’ll start around eight, assuming they get here on time. Everyone just make sure you’re at this table for the next few minutes, until they get here. Then you can go get refills at the bar.”

“I think we can handle that,” Amanda replied. “Oh, here’s the tablet.” She handed him his iPad, which he had forgotten at the precinct in his hurry to get out the door. He’d need that to be able to FaceTime Anna's best friends in.

“Thanks,” he said. “Jesse and Noah okay?”

“Lucy’s got them tonight,” she replied. “Jesse did ask why Uncle Sonny wasn’t babysitting, but I told her Uncle Sonny got himself a new girl to make happy.” When Sonny looked horrified, Amanda rolled her eyes. “I’m _kidding_ , Carisi. Jesus, you’re more nervous than the dang groom!”

“Let’s hope the groom isn’t nervous anymore. That’s what got him into this situation in the first place,” Lucia said. “Oh! Sonny, did you remember your—”

He held up the iPad. “Of course. I was just about to get her friends dialed in.” He grinned at Amanda, who was squinting daggers at him.

“ _Perfecto_ ,” Lucia said. “You go do that, and I’ll make sure everyone stays at the table.”

Sonny went off to the end of the table to set up the iPad and balanced it on its stand. He started the video conference by dialing Michelle’s phone number. He was suddenly nervous; her Facebook page didn’t include a profile photo, so he had no idea who he was going to be staring at. Olivia and Amanda met her when she came with Anna to the station years ago, but he hadn’t been there that day. All he knew was that she and Kim (whose photo he _had_ seen) would be at Michelle's apartment together. He had a split-second moment of absolute dread at the idea that he’d somehow found the wrong Michelle Caruso, but a second after the call connected, he knew she was the right one.

And he was almost speechless.

Her red-lipped smile was warm and wide, and her jade, almond-shaped eyes flickered. “Hi,” she said, tossing her curls over her shoulder. “I’m Michelle!”

“Hi, um—hi,” he replied, a little dumbstruck. “How are ya?”

“We’re good!” she replied. “Kim’s just getting a couple glasses of wine. Are they on their way?”

He nodded. “Yeah, just a few minutes now. I’m gonna set you guys up at the end of the table so you’ll be able to see everyone.”

“Great! Oh, here’s Kim,” she said, taking a wine glass from the redhead that Sonny knew to be Anna’s other best friend. “Kim, this is—can I call you Sonny?”

He laughed and wondered how it was possible to feel both this nervous and this at ease with a person. “Finally, someone who will!” He gave a quick wave. “Hi, Kim. Nice to meet ya.”

“Good to meet you, Sonny,” she said. “I’m sorry we can’t be there, it’s just—”

He held up a hand. “Hey, don’t worry about it! It was pretty short notice. I’m sure she’ll appreciate you guys doing this.”

Michelle smiled. “I’m sure she’ll appreciate _you_ doing this. Are you going to be a groomsman?”

Sonny hadn’t expected that question, nor had he even considered it. Before he could answer, Lucia tapped him on the shoulder. “Rafi just texted me and told me they’re in the lobby,” she said. “Better get in our places.”

He looked back at Kim and Michelle. “You guys hear that?”

“Yep!” Michelle said and held up her wine glass in a toast. “All set over here! Talk to you later, Sonny.”

He liked the way she said his name—he swore he could hear a faint trace of the South in her voice, kind of like when Amanda got agitated. “See ya soon,” he said.

Meanwhile, Rafael and Anna had just arrived in the lobby of the hotel. “Have you ever been here?” she asked.

“Once, just for a drink,” he replied. “There’s a bar over there”—he gestured off to the left—“that’s a two-story library. It’s decent; good scotch selection.”

She winked at him. “No such thing.”

He rolled his eyes and walked her toward the elevator bank. “I’m _going_ to find one you like someday.”

“I highly doubt that,” she said. “If my father hasn’t, you won’t.”

He kissed her and pushed the button to go to the roof. “Good thing I have the rest of my life to prove you wrong."

“They have a rooftop restaurant? I thought their restaurant was over—”

“They do,” he said. “It’s just hard to get a reservation.”

She eyed him suspiciously. “Raf? You okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Because your eyes are doing that darting thing.” _Damn,_ he thought. He’d managed to keep the secret for the last two weeks and didn’t want to spoil it now. He willed his body to cooperate for just a few more minutes and tried to make a poker face as good as hers.

“I’m just happy that you’re happy,” he said. “Are you feeling better about classes?”

She nodded. “I am. I found a great supplement for bankruptcy from a classmate whose husband does it for a living.”

The elevator arrived and he followed her into it. “What about corporations?”

“I have no idea what to do with that yet,” she said, “but I’m sure I’ll figure something out. Anyway, this is date night, remember? No school or work talk. It’s just me and you.”

His heart raced. What if she really didn’t want this party? What if he’d done the wrong thing to try to make up for his insensitivity? Panic started to set in. “Anna, there’s something I should tell you about that…”

Before he could say anything else, though, the elevator doors opened to a long, rectangular table, around which stood their family and friends, dressed to the nines, yelling “surprise” in unison. But he didn’t look at anyone else. His eyes were only on her.

Anna barely had time to process what was happening before the claps and cheers of their friends and family echoed through the room. She couldn’t even register faces at first; the shock was too much. She took in the beauty of the space: the table was underneath an open-air tent. Chandeliers and lanterns hung from the ceiling, and tea lights reflected off of the glassware on the table. It was stunning, in every sense of the word. Then, she felt Rafael’s hand slip into hers, and she turned around to face him.

“What is this?” she asked, tears prickling her eyes.

“It’s your engagement party,” Sonny said from behind her.

She didn’t look at him; she looked only to her fiancé for confirmation. “You did this?”

Rafael looked at his shoes. “Well, not just me. My mom and Cari—I mean, Sonny—”

She threw her arms around him before he could finish his sentence. He started to tell her that Sonny and his mom had done most of the actual planning, but over her shoulder, Sonny held up his hand. _Take the credit,_ he mouthed.

Rafael wrapped his arms around Anna, one hand on the small of her back, the other on the back of her neck. Her perfume filled his senses, like he was drawing her into him.

“Raf, I don’t even know what to say.” Her eyes were now misty. Then, she started laughing. “I can’t cry because this makeup is not waterproof.”

He was laughing with her. “I can’t take all the credit. My mom and Sonny did most of the hard work.”

Anna turned around and wiped her eyes carefully, trying not to disturb her mascara. Sonny was still standing there, smiling like he’d just won the lottery. “Sonny,” she said, “I can’t even—this is—thank you.” She stood on her tiptoes to hug him, and barely reached her arms around his neck.

“Hey, don’t mention it. You deserve this.” He looked over Anna’s shoulder at Rafael. “You _both_ deserve this.”

 _Thank you,_ Rafael mouthed.

Anna pulled away from Sonny and looked around. “Raf, you said your mom helped too?”

He suddenly realized he hadn’t seen his mother in the crowd. “Yeah, but I’m not sure—”

And as if Rafael had summoned her, Lucia appeared at Sonny’s side. She pulled Anna in for a hug. “You didn’t have to do this,” Anna said.

“Oh, it was nothing,” Lucia replied, patting Anna on the cheek. “I only have one daughter, after all.” That alone was enough to make Anna cry. But she managed to hold it back, if only for the sake of the photos that were sure to come.

* * *

Over the next two hours, Anna, Rafael, and their guests ate, talked, and laughed. Anna was thrilled to see Kim and Michelle on the iPad (although Michelle admittedly talked to Sonny more, much to Anna’s amusement). Amanda and Olivia recalled the first time they met Rafael, especially the lame joke he’d made about them being their temporary captain’s daughters.

Anna spent some time at the other end of the table with Fin, Nancy, and Carmen. As it turned out, Nancy had quit the diner; she had been inspired by Anna to start night classes to get a degree in criminal justice. Anna mentioned that Fin had been a cop as long as Olivia had, and when Nancy introduced herself to him, he was all too happy to share his experiences with her. Some of those stories involved cases that Rafael had been part of, and Carmen was eager to throw in hilarious stories of all the times she’d had to run interference between Rafael and the detectives—especially Sonny. And all through the night, Sonny snapped photos of everyone, tangible memories of a night that reminded Anna how loved she was—not just by Rafael, but by all the people gathered around the table.

At some point, Lucia started to ask Rafael and Anna all sorts of questions about the wedding—where it would be, what kind of dress Anna wanted, who would be in the wedding party. She also mentioned something about a priest, which is when Rafael deflected, knowing that a Catholic ceremony was not forthcoming.

“We have plenty of time to talk about all that,” he said. “We’re not going to get married until after Anna passes the bar.”

“Yeah, and that’s assuming I even graduate,” Anna sighed. “If I don’t start understanding corporations soon, I’m going to need an extra semester to make up the credit I won’t get.”

Sonny, who had been immersed in a conversation with Michelle about her experiences growing up in an Italian-Jewish family, snapped his attention back to Anna. “Hang on, you said you’re taking corps?”

“Yeah,” Anna replied. “If that’s what you want to call it, anyway. Mostly I just show up for class and hope _something_ makes sense.”

“I got one of my best grades in corps,” he said with a smile. “I can help you if you want. I think I still have my outline in the cloud somewhere.”

Anna’s eyes lit up. “Really? You wouldn’t mind?”

“Nah,” he said. “I mean, Rafael”—since Rafael had finally called him Sonny, he felt he needed to reciprocate—“could probably do better, but I’m happy to help if he’s too busy.”

Rafael wasn’t about to admit in public—or even in private, for that matter—that the only C he’d ever gotten in law school was in corporations. “I’m sure you’ll do fine. My outlines are ancient at this point anyway.”

Eventually, Amanda clinked her glass with her knife to get everyone’s attention. “So,” she said, “we’re all here because we want to celebrate your engagement. But I think that since we all showed up, we’re entitled to hear exactly how it happened.”

Anna glanced at her fiancé, hesitant to make him the center of attention again. “Oh, I don’t think—”

But Rafael squeezed her hand and shook his head. “No, Rollins is right,” he said. “Everyone took time out of their evenings to come here to celebrate with us. I think the least we can do is tell them exactly what they’re celebrating.”

“I—okay,” she said, slightly stunned. “Be my guest.”

He smiled and took a sip of his wine. “Well,” he began, “I knew I wanted to propose for months before I did it. Hell, I think some of you”—he looked at Olivia—“knew I wanted to propose to her before _I_ knew I wanted to. So I went and had a ring made, and I hid it in my sock drawer so she wouldn’t find it.”

Anna shrugged. “I’m always afraid I’m going to fall into a black hole of polka dots and stripes in there!”

“The thing is,” he continued, through everyone’s laughter, “I had a hard time coming up with a way to ask. I didn’t want to do something that would end up on YouTube. But I also wanted to do something meaningful and something that Anna would remember for the rest of her life. I wanted to plan the perfect moment.”

Anna looked at her lap, feeling a blush in her cheeks, while Olivia was holding back a grin. She knew that Rafael was going to propose to Anna well before he did it, but she hadn’t heard _how_ he’d done it until now.

“We were in Los Angeles a few weeks ago, visiting Anna’s family and friends.” He glanced at Michelle and Kim, who raised their glasses from across the country. “And just when I thought I knew everything about her, Anna showed me parts of herself that I had no idea existed. I’ve never had a more wonderful vacation in my life, if only for that. So on the last day of our trip, we went to the Getty Museum, and Anna was looking over the edge of this balcony, over the vista. She looked beautiful, as she always does. And maybe it was that we were on the last day of our trip, or maybe it was because of the sunset…I really don’t know. But I realized that the only plan that I needed was the one I already had—to be with her for the rest of my life.” He looked at her, only to find her looking back at him, in a way that he never thought anyone would. “So that’s where I did it,” he finished.

“In _public_?” Carmen asked, wide-eyed. “ _You_ made a public proposal?”

“I was as shocked as you,” Anna replied.

“So, wait,” Nancy called, “what were _you_ thinking when it happened?”

Anna inhaled deeply and looked toward the ceiling, conjuring the memory. “I remember him saying he needed to tell me something,” she finally said. “And I remember thinking he was about to dump me and we were going to have a _very_ awkward plane ride back here!”

A ripple of laughter reverberated across the table. Lucia, seated on Rafael’s other side, smacked him in the arm. “Ow! Next time hit me with the hand that _isn’t_ covered in cocktail rings!”

“Well, next time, don’t start a conversation that way!” He heard Sonny suppress a laugh.

“Anyway,” Anna said, putting a hand on Rafael’s knee under the table, “I just remember him taking my hands and getting down on one knee, and I remember immediately asking him what he was doing, even though I knew _exactly_ what he was doing. And I remember him saying…” She looked at him as if asking permission to share his words with the table. He gave her hand an encouraging squeeze in response. “I remember him saying that I’m the center of his life”—she started to tear up and dabbed at her eyes with her napkin—“and the next thing I know, he’s standing in front of me putting this beautiful ring on my hand.”

“Wow,” Sonny said to Rafael, “I gotta say, I would never have expected you to be such a romantic.”

Rafael kissed Anna on her cheek and stood up. “Well, you’d have never known from the way I reacted when you and the rest of the squad found out.” Those who hadn’t witnessed it were slightly confused by his statement but didn’t say anything. “Excuse me for a minute.”

Anna assumed he was going to the restroom, but a minute later, he returned, carrying a package wrapped in bright gold paper and tied with a violet ribbon. She threw Sonny a curious glance, but he just shrugged, and Lucia looked just as confused; clearly, _this_ was not something they had helped him plan. Rafael sat back down and handed her the gift.

“Raf, you didn’t need to get me anything. What you and your mom and Sonny did tonight was more than—”

“I know,” he said. “But I wanted to give you this anyway. It was going to be a Hanukkah gift, but I can’t wait that long.”

“Well, he wouldn’t be Rafael Barba if he wasn’t impatient,” Olivia said with a smile that let him know she was at least _partially_ kidding.

“Come on, Anna, open it!” Kim said.

“Seriously, I can’t wait til Hanukkah either,” Michelle added.

Anna looked at the rest of the table; all eyes were on her. She took a deep breath and tugged at the ribbon, and then ripped into the wrapping paper. And although she’d done a good job of holding back her tears all night, she couldn’t stop them falling any more than she could stop her own heartbeat. She heard the click of Sonny’s camera but couldn’t take her eyes off of what was in her lap. She stroked the hard, white cover of the book, taking in every inch of it. Metallic gold and silver stars surrounded a photo printed in the center—the one she loved most, of the two of them in her living room talking to Lucia on the iPad. And beneath the photo was the title: _An Unlikely Love: Anna & Rafael_.

She unconsciously brought her fingers to her lips, completely at a loss for words. “Rafael…”

He dipped his head slightly so that he could see her face even while she was still looking straight down. “Do you like it?”

She jerked her head upward, as if coming out of a trance. “I love it,” she said. That was all she _could_ say. And while everyone else at the table thought that she was referring to the book, Rafael knew what she really meant: that she loved their life together, and he resolved to make sure she felt that way for the rest of it.

* * *

“I’m going to hop in the shower,” Rafael said as he shut the door to their apartment. They had just arrived home from the party, which had culminated with a champagne toast and group photos. Lucia had looked happier than Rafael had ever seen her, and he realized that it wasn’t just because she knew that, someday, she would have grandchildren; it was because she considered Anna her daughter just as much as he was her son. And secretly, he knew he would want to frame the photo of him, his mother, and Sonny—he knew both of them, sentimental as they were, would love to have them.

Anna kicked off her heels and tossed them into the pile of her shoes by the door. “Okay,” she said. “Can you give me five minutes to get out of this dress and make my hair and face look more like—well, me?”

He grinned and kissed her on the forehead. “You always look like you. You just looked a little more…colorful tonight!”

“Oh, now, that was some lawyer-speak!” she laughed. “I’ll be quick.”

Fifteen minutes later, Rafael was in the shower and she was laying on the bed, flipping through the pages of the book he'd made. As it turned out, he hadn’t just included photos from their trip to California; he’d created a photographic story of their relationship and everything that led to it.

The story didn’t start with the two of them as a couple; rather, it began with each of them as individuals. He’d clearly asked her mother for help, because he'd included Anna's newborn photo, shots of her bat mitzvah, and—what made her choke up again—a copy of the photo of her and Jakey that she’d left at his grave. Meanwhile, Rafael's baby photo was one of the sweetest things she’d ever seen, with a woman she presumed to be his _abuelita_ holding him. She noticed that he had Catalina's thick, dark hair, even as an infant. The photos of him in his Catholic school uniform made her giggle; she wondered if wearing plain navy blazers and white shirts made him “rebel” into a world of wild colors and prints.

Then came the second part of the book: their relationship. There were shots of Anna holding her law school acceptance letter, of the two of them at the dinner they’d had after her first semester, of each of them packing their apartments to move into their shared home. She smiled at a photo snapped at his mother's apartment at Christmas: she and Lucia were in the kitchen, mashing potatoes and stirring gravy, respectively. Rafael must have taken that one without either of the women noticing. And then there were, of course, the photos Anna and Rafael had taken while on vacation, culminating with the dinner they’d shared with her parents the night he’d asked her to marry him.

She was about to close the album and climb under the covers when something on the inside of the back cover caught her eye. It was handwriting, she realized—Rafael’s handwriting. She flipped to it and smiled. He’d written her a note.

> _To my future wife – I can’t wait to marry you, and I will never do anything to make you doubt that again. I hope we have enough memories to fill a hundred of these books. Te amare por siempre. –Rafael_

She glanced back at the bathroom door, as happy as she’d have been if he’d said those words to her. In fact, she was happier that he hadn’t, because now she had them to hold. It wasn’t just a perfect ending to the book, she realized. It was a perfect ending to the evening, and a perfect beginning to the rest of their lives.


End file.
